Reverse Kegels: How to Release Your Pelvic Floor

Why “let go” is a skill, not a default

Most pelvic floor advice is about squeezing. But a healthy pelvic floor does two jobs: it contracts when you need support (a cough, a lift, a jump) and it fully relaxes when you don’t — including when you pee, poop, or want comfortable penetration. Clinicians describe muscles that stay partly switched on, or tighten when they should let go, as an overactive or non-relaxing pelvic floor.

Here’s the catch: many people with a tense pelvic floor can’t feel it. Tension that has been there for months or years just feels “normal”. So releasing on purpose is something most of us have to learn, the same way you might learn to drop your shoulders away from your ears.

What a “reverse Kegel” actually is

“Reverse Kegel” is an everyday name, not a clinical term. It usually means one of two things:

Relaxing down: consciously letting the pelvic floor soften and lengthen after it has been holding, back to a true resting state.
A gentle lengthening: a very soft, downward “opening” feeling, a bit like the first moment of letting urine start to flow, with no pushing or straining.

The key word is gentle. A reverse Kegel is not bearing down hard like you’re lifting something heavy or straining on the toilet. Forceful pushing raises pressure inside your abdomen and is the opposite of what you want here. Think “melt”, not “push”.

Signs your pelvic floor may be holding on

A review in Sexual Medicine Reviews describes an overactive pelvic floor as muscles that don’t relax, or even contract, when relaxation is needed. People often report a mix of symptoms that don’t seem connected:

pain with penetration, or pain during or after orgasm;
a slow, hesitant or stop-start urine stream, or feeling you never quite empty;
straining, constipation, or needing to “wait” on the toilet;
a deep ache in the pelvis, hips, tailbone or low back;
in people with a penis, the same review lists erectile difficulties, early ejaculation and pain with ejaculation as commonly reported.

None of these prove your pelvic floor is the cause — plenty of other conditions overlap. But if several sound familiar, it’s a strong reason to get assessed rather than reaching for more squeezes.

Your breath is the remote control

The easiest way into release is your diaphragm. In a small dynamic MRI study of eight healthy women, the diaphragm and pelvic floor moved together: both descended when breathing in and rose when breathing out. It was a pilot study, so treat the details with caution, but it matches what pelvic floor physiotherapists teach every day.

Practically, that means a slow, low breath into your belly and ribs gives your pelvic floor a natural cue to soften and drop. Shallow, held or chest-only breathing — common when we’re stressed — tends to keep everything braced.

How to practise a reverse Kegel

Get comfortable. Lie on your back with knees bent and feet flat, or with your lower legs resting on a chair or sofa. Let your knees fall slightly apart. Put one hand on your belly and one on your lower ribs.
Breathe in slowly through your nose for about four seconds. Let your belly and the sides of your ribs widen. As you do, imagine your sit bones gently widening and your pelvic floor softening downward, like a hammock taking a little more weight.
Breathe out slowly and simply let the breath go. Don’t actively lift or squeeze — just let the muscles return.
Repeat for 5–10 breaths, once or twice a day. Some people like to do a few before bed or after a long day sitting.
Check in with your jaw, glutes and belly. Tension often travels together. If your jaw is clenched or your buttocks are tight, let them go first.

Other positions that make release easier for many people: a child’s pose (kneeling, sitting back toward your heels with your chest resting forward), or a deep supported squat holding onto something stable. A wide, supported position gives the muscles room to lengthen. If any position causes pain, skip it.

Try this: next time you sit on the toilet, notice whether you’re perched, tense and pushing. Feet on a small stool, lean forward, breathe slowly and let your belly soften. That’s a reverse Kegel in real life.

What the evidence says (and doesn’t)

Honest version: there are no large trials of “reverse Kegels” done alone at home. What we do have is evidence for supervised pelvic floor physiotherapy that includes relaxation training as one part of a package.

The best example is a multicentre randomised trial of 212 women with provoked vestibulodynia, a common cause of pain at the vaginal entrance. Ten weekly sessions of physiotherapy — education, pelvic floor exercises with biofeedback, hands-on therapy and gradual dilation — were compared with a numbing lidocaine ointment. Physiotherapy reduced pain during intercourse more, improved sexual function and distress, and the gains held at six months. 79% of the physiotherapy group said they were much or very much improved, versus 39% with lidocaine.

That’s a strong result, but it was a professional-led programme, not a breathing drill from the internet. Home practice is a reasonable, low-risk place to start; it’s not a replacement for assessment when something hurts.

When squeezing makes things worse

If your pelvic floor is already overactive, piling on Kegels can be like doing bicep curls with a cramped arm (more on that in The truth about Kegels). Reviews of overactive pelvic floor generally recommend a whole-person approach: down-training and relaxation first, managing stress and pain, and adding strength only once the muscles can release well. If Kegels leave you sore, increase pain with sex, or make emptying harder, pause them and get checked.

The bottom line

A strong pelvic floor isn’t a permanently clenched one. Learning to release — with slow breathing, supported positions and patience — is half of pelvic floor fitness, and for some people it’s the more important half. Start gently at home, and if you have pain or trouble emptying, a pelvic floor physiotherapist can show you exactly what your muscles are doing.